blah blah blahty blah...

So it has been waaaay too long since I have written here. Another semester of school has come and past, and graduation is looming closer. as 2008 comes to a close, here are a few highlights from the last few months...

first off, shop ko is still my place of employment...I cannot stand it there, but yet, i still dont quit?? why because i love some of the people i work with, and because the little money that it does pay me, is better than no money at all... i have been on leave since the end of august/beginning of september. i have worked twice now that i am on break, and i already dont want to work there anymore.

I worked again with the Marching Knights as a visual or drill consultant.( i really dont remember what my official title was, all i know is that it sounds more important than it actually is). It was definitely interesting this year...but fun nonetheless...It somewhat quenches my thirst for marching band...

school was a big bitch this semester...i had a full credit load, two methods classes which came as a packaged deal with two field studies. General music methods was a blast. I learned so much in that class, it made me feel geared up for teaching general music. Instrumental methods was hell in itself...caused unnecessary stress in my life. absolutely hands down, worst class i have had in college. the field study was a blast, kept me sane. I have two semesters left at whitewater. pretty scary...

life in general has been interesting. I'm beginning to wonder who my true friends are. I have been through a lot of drama with people and quite honestly, i am amazed at the petty things that people get mad about. Ridiculous!

Sadly, I think I have also gotten to the point where home just doesn't feel like home anymore. If i was financially stable, i would totally live on my own. i just dont feel like i live at home anymore...especially since i can count on two hands how many times i was actually home this semester. because im student teaching, i decided to stay in whitewater for the whole next year...I'm pretty sure that the day i told my mom that i didn't want to live at home that semester that i student teach, her heart probably broke. i hate to do that to her, i know it would save money. but being home just drives me insane sometimes!!!

the next semester ahead will be quite busy as well, thanks to a full credit load again, and a little something i like to call my senior recital. I am getting ready for this wonderful, yet stressful event. Its like my last hurrah at whitewater. So im diving in headfirst without testing the waters. LOL!!!

well i think i have rambled enough now to put you to sleep. but hopefully this gives you a little update and insight into what i have been doing for the last few months..LOL...

one of my resolutions for hte new year will be to keep this more accurately updated...if there is anyone out there who is really reading this...

one of those days....

so today was just not a good day. I'm still bummed from band camp being over. i miss it because its what i was to do, its what i love, and i love all the people that i work with.
I'm going through one of those i hate work days...which is true.. i think i finally have outgrown shopko and need to find a different place to work for now. i still am working with oak creek this season, but not as much as i would like to.
I also am going through one of those 'i have no friends' phases. no one returns my calls, or my messages, and i just feel like I'm alone right now. with no one to turn to. i feel quite alone at the moment, and i hate feeling that way.
i still have no boyfriend, and i try to tell myself that i am okay with that, but in the back of my mind, i still wonder what i am doing wrong. i just wish someone would tell me or help me figure out what is wrong with me. or if someone out there does like me, then god damn it, say something so i don't think I'm such a loner/loser.
with august right around the corner, i am excited for classes to start because then my normal schedule will kick in. sad i know. but i am excited for my last full year of school. i cant believe it. i am a senior, where did the time go?!?!?! this year better be fun and full of excitement, because i want to make it a year to remember.

i should probably go to bed now, so give me a buzz if you wanna help or hang out or just talk.

I'm going on and I'm prepared to go it alone......

So yes it is almost midnight, and I most likely shouldn't be writing this. I have had a lot of time to reflect and I really just thought I would put some of my thoughts down on here.

First off, I think its surprising to look back and see who you were friends with a couple years back, and to see that you really aren't friends with them now. People who you thought, were your friends, apparently just don't care and refuse to keep in touch. There are people where now I wonder how we were ever friends in the first place. Its amazing to see how I have grown as an individual . I have to say that I am surprised that one of my best friends is someone I haven't known for long. I also think that its funny how you can know someone your whole life, but learn to appreciate them later in life. I would have never guessed that we would be friends and you know who you are.

and now there is one person that i have grown to probably like more than a friend, and he most likely knows about it, yet nothing has come of it. idk if it is because of my personality, my looks(or lack there of), or other things. the one roadblock that was there is out of the picture now so i have no clue what will happen, if anything will happen. i hate to keep kidding myself that something will happen because it most likely wont. and i love that we are friends, i just sometimes wonder if we could be something more.

on a happier note, i somehow managed to pull off a 3.8 GPA this past semester. I was pretty happy about that. even though the first words out of my moms mouth were, you couldn't have worked harder?. PUH LEASE woman! but i am starting to think about where i want to student teach and I'm starting to realize that i will be done with school soon and working in the 'real world' or at least i am hoping i will be.

you have stolen my heart....

So, I went yesterday to see the new Maid of Honor movie. It was such a great movie!!! I really liked it, but the whole time I was watching it, I kept thinking, Why can't that be me????? I know this doesnt come as a surprise to anyone, but I really am sick of being single. I want to know why I am stuck alone. I tried to be open and tell someone how I feel, but I really didnt get anywhere. I just really want someone to like me for me, and where the hell are they at?

I really think that i need to stop watching romantic comedies...because they just make me think about how my life kinda sucks....

exams are coming up..and i have no desire or motivation to actually do anything.... what a great combination!


hope every one else's exams go well!!

~Katie

Just another day....

Hey everyone! so while sitting around today and procrastinating, I decided that I wanted to start blogging more, and not on myspace. And so it begins....

This weekend has been a very insightful weekend for me. I have had a lot of time to think about my life and a few things have happened that have caused me to think.

I'm still unsure about what I am doing with my life. I know i want to do msuic, but i just seem to lack the passion for anything right now. It's like school has sucked the fun out of the one thing that i love in life. I have no drive anymore, no drive to practice, no drive to excell in my craft. I can't wait to teach, but as a performer, I just don't know what to do to better myself anymore. I feel like it's hopeless and I guess I am just ready to be done with school. I am to the point where I feel like I know nothing, but while talking with one of my friends the other night, he made me realize how much I do know. I never stepped back to look at how much I do know about music. I was surprised, very surprised.

But on the other hand, I have great friends. I have been able to get to know people more and more on an intimate level, not just as a "friend of a friend". i still have my old friends of course, and i'm even learning more and more about them everyday too. My friends are my rock. They keep me grounded, they keep me in check. Even though spats occur sometimes, we all look after eachother. and whether they like it or not, they are stuck with me inevitably.

As my 21st birthday looms closer and closer, I am beginning to think that being single is the only route for me. I am beginning to lose hope in finding love, and quite honestly, its starting to take a toll on me. I know I have to be patient, I am told that many of times. However, I am done with being patient. I've been waiting 21 years almost, i think thats about long enough...

March is going to be a busy month for me: papers, tests, recitals, concerts, orchestra tour, spring break, and of course....MY BIRTHDAY!!!! Keeping busy will be good for me, i hope... So as for now, I think i am done, but do know... I will keep updating this.

♥ Katie